Happiness is your natural state

Monday, November 24th, 2008

I have a friend who just got laid off.

I met with her for lunch the other day. It was the absolute happiest I have ever seen her.

Strange but true.

It first struck me that I didn’t know that she didn’t like her job that much. Then it hit me that she probably didn’t know that she didn’t like her job that much either.

Your subconscious mind rules. You may think you have your subconscious mid under control with your conscious mind, but you don’t.

My advice, listen. Listen to yourself. You know what you need to focus on. You know what in your life needs improvement.

It may be big and you may not want to face it, but eventually you need to. And things never are as bad in reality as they are in your mind.

Know that God will never give you a problem you cannot solve.

Relax.

Then periodically take one of the items that you need to work on and work on it. You don’t have to burn the whole house down, just take on one thing at a time.

You’ll get through it. And you’ll be like my friend who is happier now than she has been evidently. I never knew this side of her and it’s great. I enjoy her even more than I did before. Bonus for everyone!

Posted in Happiness observations | No Comments »

Happiness for Investors. Why your happiness shouldn’t be tied to the DOW

Sunday, October 12th, 2008

Many folks lost their behinds in the last week due to a major drop in the financial markets and corresponding free fall in the Dow Jones Industrial Index down to 20 year lows that occurred recently.

History has stories of people jumping out of windows during times like these. Heck, even recently a story from the UK outlined how a father and husband financial executive intentionally stepped in front of a train and finished himself off just because of the downward turn in the financial markets.

How stupid.

Get a grip people! It’s just money!

Money is not human. In fact, it is simply a physical representation of a mental concept. It’s just paper. Paper. Almost ordinary paper.

I’m trying to smash through a simple mental game that governments play. That’s all money is.

It’s certainly nothing to get upset about.

God invented sunrises and babies and fresh green grass and love.

Much better than money.

DO NOT TIE YOUR HAPPINESS TO THE DOW!

Challenges are not all bad. They’re just challenges.

We’re living through a financial challenge, that’s all.

You’ll get through it I promise.

You may have more or less money, you may take some time to get back where you were.

Who cares?

Most people’s concept of the value of money is how much “stuff” money can buy.

I can assure you that you can live a happier life if you simply untie your happiness from money altogether.

Strive. Work. Focus. Dream. Face down challenges. Compete. But don’t be unhappy while you’re doing it.

Look up from your work and realize that that beautiful sunrise you’ve been ignoring while you’re face down in a $6 cup of coffee was put there for you to enjoy. Enjoy it.

Observe life around you. Get your head out of the financial news.

Your real friends will still like you even if your portfolio is smaller than it was.

If you’ve trained your family correctly, they’ll be able to see that happiness doesn’t come from “stuff” so they won’t miss not having more new “stuff” for a while. You did teach that to your family, didn’t you?

Take them on a picnic instead of buying some multi-hundred dollar electronic whiz bang thing for their next birthday or holiday. Bring a Frisbee. Leave your Blackberry at home.

Your family will have a better time because they’re with you and they have 100% of your attention.

Action step: Re-read this article. Make a promise to yourself to separate your happiness from the financial news.

You will be amazed that with some simple (notice I didn’t say easy) changes to your thought processes you can actually live a consistently happy existence, no matter what the DOW.

Posted in Happiness observations | No Comments »

Foot massager creates happiness

Saturday, October 4th, 2008

I’m strongly considering this foot massager for my wife’s upcoming birthday. We tested it in Brookstone today but she wouldn’t let me buy it for her right then and there.

It’s $499 so it ain’t cheap but WOW did it feel good. I don’t usually have any interest in massages, genuine or through various machinery.

Here’s the link. I read 12 reviews on their site and 11 of 12 were 4’s and 5’s out of a possible 5.

Evidently, happiness can be found in mechanical devices.

I can’t wait to get this for my wife. If not her birthday, then probably Christmas. It’s very expensive but since she’s been asking for it or something like it for several years now, I think it’s time.

When I finally pull the trigger and give this to her, I expect to get more pleasure out watching her enjoy it than she will when she uses it.

Posted in Catching myself happy, Happiness observations | No Comments »

Retail therapy is alive and well in Atlanta, GA

Saturday, October 4th, 2008

I have news for you. There isn’t a bad economy.

At least that’s my assessment after my day at the mall.

If you read my earlier post, I had to go to the Apple store to get two iPhones fixed. There was a 2 hour wait to get to talk to a tech. The store was full of people shopping for expensive, exotic hardware from iPhones to super-thin laptops to iPods and more. There was hardly anything in the store less than $300 and the most people were around the $2,000 laptops.

They made me turn my McCain t-shirt inside out to avoid a scene. I just made that last sentence up.

The rest of the story though is real.

The place was mobbed.

The parking lot was full, there was a fairly long line for Annie’s Pretzels of all things in the food court.

People were spending money left and right.

Now I’m not sure that retail therapy is healthy for anyone’s bank account. I’m not exactly Dave Ramsey. All I wanted to do with this post is make the observation that retail therapy is alive and well in Atlanta, Georgia.

At least for this day, I watched thousands of people having a good time.

Posted in Happiness observations | No Comments »

Babies in the mall

Saturday, October 4th, 2008

I am sitting in a mall waiting for my wife after visiting an Apple store for service. I’m with my three sons, my youngest is 11 months and asleep in his stroller. Across from me is a new Dad holding and feeding his first child who after talking with him I found out is 1 month old. Just now a lady rolled up with a twin stroller with 2-9 week old twins. At 43 I’m much older than these parents. It’s beyond cute seeing other people interact with their kids.

Posted in Catching myself happy, Happiness observations | No Comments »

To improve happiness, first find yourself unhappy

Sunday, September 28th, 2008

In order to find happiness, unhappiness needs to get documented.

This may not make sense at first, but this is one of the first exercises I recommend my coaching clients complete.

It sounds easy, but it’s definitely more difficult to do than it seems.

It is beneficial to isolate the points during one’s day that make unhappiness flare up.

The difficulty is recognizing all of them by writing them down.

It is often difficult to admit the number of occasions that one is outwardly expressing unhappiness or inwardly just feeling unhappy.

The points and issues that are documented are only a starting place. One must sort through the listed items to ferret out a cause or a symptom.

A commute that generates road rage could be due to a job that one feels stuck in, or perhaps just a tight morning schedule getting kids to school and other morning obligations completed.

Download and use the free Unhappiness Journal worksheet right now. Print these and use them to learn more about your day.

Posted in Catching myself unhappy, Happiness observations | No Comments »

How to get a quick dose of happiness without meds, alcohol, or guilt

Sunday, September 21st, 2008

I went to the gym this morning in my Jeep with the top down. It was 62 degrees so that was quite a brisk ride.

It was still mostly dark when I left. The nearly full moon was still lighting up the sky and I could see clouds and the silhouettes of trees on the hillsides adjacent to my route.

I’ve always wanted a convertible and I now have one. I still smile every time I run with the top down.

Why is that?

It must be a combination of things.

One, I only go through the motions of manually removing the top on really nice days. There is no button on a Jeep, it’s kind of a project. It’s best if I can do it on Friday afternoon and put it back up on Sunday evening so the whole weekend should be nice weather. So one of my observations is that the feeling of experiencing comfortable outdoor weather firsthand makes me happy.

Second, I like having the vertical views that I get when the top is down. How silly is that? When you’re driving a car, who cares if you can see a helicopter, clouds, the upper portion of a larger vehicle next to you in traffic, stars, clouds or the sun? But I do.

It may have something to do with seeing something novel. Perhaps if I drove in a convertible every day it may not be so darn entertaining to me.

Perhaps there is so much stimuli from the wind and the noise that there isn’t any bandwidth for the brain to contemplate heavier topics so the pleasure comes in part from relief of mental burden.

As I write this it’s the beginning of Fall in Atlanta, Georgia where I live. I expect a good number of days with the top down in the next 60 days.

If you’re looking for a quick dose of happiness without meds, alcohol or guilt, I recommend you beg, borrow or steal yourself a ride in a convertible ASAP.

You may have a friend that owns one. Invite that person to a meal at a restaurant. Tell them you’ll buy if they drive and will put the top down for the ride to the restaurant and back.

Some of the car rental places rent them. Look them up on the Internet and go get yourself one for a day.

I’m not fully certain why convertibles bring so much happiness. I don’t always need to know why something works in order to determine that it works. I’ve never seen anything but smiling faces on a driver or passengers in a convertible.

Go drop the top somewhere, somehow… right now.

I bet you’ll come back happier than when you left.

Tags: happiness is a convertible
Posted in Catching myself happy, Happiness observations | No Comments »

Observe and correct negative personal behaviors faster

Monday, September 15th, 2008

I noticed an article on Google News with the headline:

Man finds happiness with 25th wife

The brief article states that the now 49 year old man from Nepal has now been married to this now 23 year old woman for 7 years and is now “happy” and wants to get serious about his children’s education.

Over the last year we’ve seen countless examples of bad behavior by celebrities such as Britney Spears.

I could go on with examples of people that continue behavior that doesn’t serve them very well in lieu of replacing those behaviors with better behaviors.

How many weight-loss commercials have you heard and seen lately? It seems they’re everywhere.

We simply have to get serious about identifying negative personal trends and replacing these behaviors with positive ones, and liking the result.

Many times people know what they’re doing is wrong but continue out an inherent lack of self esteem. Or they believe that ignoring poor behaviors because they’re “too busy” to do something better is justifiable or akin to martyrdom within their family. Which is simply a bad choice.

These are the types of behaviors that a coach can help you identify (shouldn’t be too hard) but that same coach can help you identify a replacement behavior and help you execute the transition to where the new behavior becomes automatic.

The longer you stay in the old ways, which you know very well aren’t beneficial, the longer things are going to stay the same for you.

You have to develop a want for the results of the better behavior more than you value the way your life is today.

Keep reading these articles or go ahead and join the Happiness Boot Camp Virtual Coaching Club monthly group teleclasses and newsletter. Or inquire about retaining a personal happiness coach.

If you keep doing what you’re doing you’re going to keep getting what you’re currently getting.

Do something different today!

Posted in Happiness observations | No Comments »

Goobers

Sunday, September 14th, 2008

I read something today that people with kids lead happier lives.

This evening I was “being interviewed” by my 10 year old son as homework. He was to interview Linda and I individually about voting. I was explaining why we vote and in which elections in answering his specific questions.

He was understandably a bit overwhelmed by the subject and maybe bored, too.

Then he got to the word “gubernatorial”.

Once I helped him pronounce the word, he leaned forward, he looked at me and his eyes got big and he said…

“Did you say goober?”

He and I laughed for the next five minutes.

I guess these may be moments that teachers encounter every day, but to me, it was hilarious and special.

I don’t think my kid will ever look at politics as boring ever again.

And I think that whoever wrote the study that stated that people with kids lead happier lives may well be right.

Tags: happiness
Posted in Catching myself happy, Happiness observations | No Comments »

Train Your Happiness Reflex

Friday, September 12th, 2008

Training your happiness reflex can lead to a more effective you.

Yesterday I walked over to a convenience store near my office to get a late afternoon snack.

Quite a few customers were pouring in the doors and trying to queue up near check out registers with employees standing nearby. It’s one of those stores where the employees ring up customers that approach the right or the left side of the register. These check out artists are pushing buttons like crazy, being polite, making change quickly with almost a bartender like zeal and style.

One lady approached the register from across the store and wound up near where I was lined up. She realized she inadvertently had sidestepped her way into one of these loose queues that I was standing in.

When the clerk asked “Next please” she looked at me and said “Go ahead”. I told her thanks but to go ahead, I wasn’t in a hurry I was just going back to my office down the sidewalk.

She said thank you and immediately started mumbling comments about how the clerks in this store are always behind, that they never are organized and that the store itself never has enough people to check you out.

This exchange happened within just a few seconds.

I couldn’t believe what I had just seen. I had just witnessed someone’s happiness reflex.

Her happiness reflex, or lack thereof I could say, was trained to be whiny and negative. I believe she actually surrounds herself at home with people that whine, bitch and complain instinctively.

Her reaction happened lightning fast in an environment where there was no reason at all to complain specifically about the situation that she chose to instinctively grouse about.

I stood there in amazement. I wished I could start coaching this lady right there on the spot.

The store is known for their speed at checkout. They’re known for loudly greeting all entrants to the store, even if 10 people come in the door at the same time. They make eye contact and say thank you loudly and quickly. It’s borderline annoying, frankly. Not as annoying as 15 waiters clapping and stomping up to a restaurant patron’s table and singing happy birthday, but just on the edge of annoying.

At least the staff at the convenience store seem sincere with their individualized greetings. It’s obviously part of the chain’s training but the clerks are in a groove, they know it and they must be paid well because their radiance is consistent across State lines and across years that I have been their customer.

The bottom line is that there I stood, aghast at the fact that this lady thought it would be socially acceptable and actually friendly to gripe to me about the line.

How is your happiness reflex trained to react?

Is your first instinct to bitch?

Stop and consider, are you trained to reflexively gripe or smile?

Are the people that you have surrounded yourself with trained to bitch first, as a sport?

These are key observations that you need to make about yourself and the people that are close to you.

I call this the happiness reflex.

And I can help you train yours.

Your happiness reflex can be trained to react in a more productive and less stressful manner.

In my next article I will lay out specific steps to recondition your happiness reflex to actually be, well, a happiness reflex and not a sour grapes reflex.

Posted in Happiness observations | No Comments »